Here’s how pregnancy happens to me.
I eat. I eat some more. If I’m not eating, I’m thinking about eating. And if I’m not eating or thinking about eating call 911 because I’m probably no longer in the land of the living.
I like to think of it this way.
Metabolism: Yes, hello, are you taking reservations? Great, I’d like to book a flight to Bora Bora. Returning…sometime mid-July…not a minute sooner. On my way!
Stomach: Metabolism is on vacation, I think I’m gonna up my A-game. Hunger, mobilize! From this moment on at every hour of every day, you’re hungry. You’re never not hungry. And you’re only hungry for Crap Like Fast Food and/or More Crap Like Fast Food and The Occasional Mexican. Go, go, go!
Need I remind you of this?
I promise my face is usually not that….robust.
But pregnancy man, it has its way. Third time around, I’m a little seasoned. I know a little more what to expect. I know the first 12 weeks Nausea is only pacified by a full belly. I know once I hit the second trimester the nausea goes away and thus my constant need for food. Well. It doesn’t totally go away. But you know what I mean.
My metabolism however stays on vacation. Soaking it up in the tropics, laying out by the pool, sipping drinks with little umbrellas in them, laughing at his good fortune to have me for his owner. We’re usually such good friends, Metabolism and I, you know?
Just a few more weeks and I’ll be past the worst of it. Here’s to hoping we make it unscathed.