This post is difficult to write. Originally I wasn’t going to write it but a couple of things changed my mind.
First, I know so many of you have celebrated with us and the anticipation of our little Nugget.
Second, our baby needs a miracle healing for life and we welcome all the prayers we can get.
We went in for a routine first appointment when I was 13 weeks. During the ultrasound all of us could hear that the baby had an irregular heartbeat. It was very hard to miss. Our doctor was not concerned and said that at such an early stage this can be very common for several reasons that resolve themselves over time.
To be on the safe side he scheduled us for another ultrasound two weeks later. At this ultrasound the heartbeat was still irregular and it was now visible on the screen. He still didn’t seem very concerned and to be honest, we weren’t either. From what I had read on the internet, only about 2% of these cases actually result in anything concerning.
Again, to be on the safe side he scheduled us with a perinatologist.
This past Friday, January 18th, at 16 weeks and 1 day, we had our appointment with the perinate. Honestly, when we went in, our only thought was excitement over getting to find out the gender of our baby. We truly didn’t have a single thought beyond that. We just didn’t consider that anything serious could be wrong. I had had some trepidation after the last appointment but had brushed it off, thinking it was just natural concern.
The tech spent quite a bit of time measuring the baby, the organs, all the things they do at this appointment. She asked if we wanted to know the gender, at which point we (I) caved and said yes. But our little Nugget wouldn’t uncross his/her legs so we were never able to tell. And honestly, at this point I could care less what gender this baby is. We just want a healthy baby.
In hindsight, Matt and I now see that the tech was pretty sober and short during this process, but like Matt later said, we thought it was just her personality.
The doctor came in shortly after, went through some initial health history and past pregnancy questions. Our first clue that something was not right came when he asked the tech if she had gotten the HR. She responded that she had and it was 60 BPM. I looked at her in shock. Sixty? She nodded yes.
At this point the doctor began a lengthy explanation. I struggled to keep up with what he was saying. He was however very thorough and patient and we were very grateful for that. But the longer he talked, the worse it got.
Heart rate of 60.
Congenital heart block.
Fluid build up around heart and neck.
Evidence of heart failure.
Structural heart abnormalities.
It didn’t stop. It just kept coming. The tears flowed the entire time.
He gave us the option of an amniocentesis but after verifying that it would do nothing to change the baby’s condition, it would be purely for information’s sake, we turned it down. We told him that no matter what, termination was not an option.
After this they left us alone for a few minutes. We could only hold each other and cry. We were shell-shocked.
According to the doctor, the prognosis is very grave. Our baby has a high chance of not making it to birth. If Baby makes it to birth, he (or she) will need heart surgery almost immediately. This means I would deliver in Seattle, home to one of the nation’s best pediatric heart hospitals.
We need you to pray for Baby. We will not stop asking for a miracle.
We have been completely blown away at the love poured out on us. A dear friend immediately fasting and praying for us. So many others weeping with us and interceding for our little one. Our church family set aside the “normal” routine last night in order to surround us in prayer, anoint us with oil (James 5 talks about this), speak Biblical truth to us and over us and our little one. Our family and friends have cried with us and truly borne our burden with us (Romans 12).
We cannot say thank you enough. In spite of the grief, we feel a tremendous sense of peace. It’s indescribable, just like Philippians 4 speaks of.
What we ask prayer for:
Complete miraculous healing.
The fluid around heart and neck to completely go away.
Increase heart rate.
To make it to a point where baby is viable for life outside of my womb.
Thank you again so much, we appreciate each of you.